Heartache for the Holidays (#38)

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During this time of year, I often think back to one of the first posts I wrote (Enough for “the Holidays”). That post speaks to the dichotomy around so many of us this time of the year – scarcity (time, resources, sanity) and excess (spending, eating, commitments). That post encourages us to think deeply about what really matters and not to waste our time, energy, and resources on activities that don’t really add joy to our lives.

This Christmas season the dichotomy has struck me in another way. Amid the joy and celebrations there are many who also experience much heartache.

In the past few months, I have lost three people who were important to me. One to suicide, one to a tragic accident, and one just this week to unexpected illness. All so young and vibrant, with so much life yet to be lived. Two of them left little ones behind. All three made the world a better place just by being in it.

As I look at the gifts yet to be wrapped, the sting of loss pierces my heart. I would gladly give up all of the holiday trappings to have any one of those lives back with us. It has been a hard week; a hard few months. It seems so surreal to watch the world go on around me while my heartache is so very real.

For some of us, “the holidays” will never be the same again. We join countless others of you who grieve in the shadows this time of year. So, to those who grieve I say, “pace yourself, be kind to yourself, and don’t be afraid to hold unapologetically to your Enough point – the place where you find your least amount of pain and your greatest amount of joy at this time of year, whatever that may be. As one of those I lost this fall would say, friend, “you do you”. Let go of unrealistic and unhealthy expectations. Drop  “woulda, coulda, shoulda” from your vocabulary. Take a deep breath. Cry when you need to and rest when your body or soul says to rest.

And, to everyone else, I ask that you please have grace and compassion for all who have heartache for the holidays.

The Pecking Order (#37)

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In every industry and organization there is a pecking order – an implied hierarchy reminiscent of the caste systems prevalent in some cultures around the world in which people are assigned to a socio-economic class based on their family of origin, with some people in higher classes and some assigned to lower classes. Why do we tolerate this grown-up version of elementary school antics in our organizations?

Why do Some People feel the need to be above Other People, or to create groups or cliques for the purpose of identifying those perceived to be greater vs. lesser? Why can’t we all belong without needing a pecking order of counterfeit superiority? Many places in scripture are clear that all people are made in the image of God and created equal. We read in Malachi 2:10, “Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us? Why then are we faithless to one another…” (ESV2) And likewise, Job says, “Did not He who made me in the womb make my servant, and did not the same One fashion us both in the womb?” (Job 31:15 AMP1).

If we are all created equal, then the attempt to make Other People less and Some People more is an exchange where we attempt to take something away from Other People and give that something to Some People. Let me show you using simple algebra:  

(Other People) – X = (Some People)    OR   (Other People) = (Some People) + X

Why do Some People feel the need to take something (X) from Other People…and what is that something? Is it perceived value, dignity, esteem?

Does it work?

All of us play a role in resisting the idea when it shows up in our spheres of influence. As leaders, we must be careful what we tolerate within our organizational culture. What we tolerate, we promote. (Heads up: you will one day have to answer for how you treated people, and I believe this will be part of that discussion.)

If you are secure enough in who you are, you don’t need to put others down to defend your worth. You know your value – not in a counterfeit, puffed up, arrogant sense but in a way that recognizes you don’t need to put others down to prop yourself up. You are valued for being uniquely you…made by your Creator on purpose for a purpose. Your value is not dependent on the value of others or the value others attempt to ascribe to you.

Another Way

Rather than attempting to make the proverbial haves and have-nots, we could focus instead on the old adage that “A rising tide lifts all boats.” What if instead of trying to take something away from one group (Other People) to give it to another group (Some People) we instead tried to build up All People? What if instead of trying to wrestle with the zero-sum game of earthly algebra we instead looked to God who is limitless and Good Enough (see blog post #25 and 27). He alone is able to add good to both sides of the equation…no winners and losers, no haves and have-nots.

(Other People) + X = (Some People) + X

It’s powerful when we realize we can build another person up without taking anything away from ourselves. All People have value and every individual is important to the success of the whole. When we recognize this, we all will benefit.

Who can you build up this week?

__________________________

1 Amplified Bible (AMP) Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631.

2The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV®), 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good    News Publishers.

So That… (#34)

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I love that little phrase, “so that”. It’s a short transition statement that packs a big punch. Have you ever thought about it?

The phrase “so that” is used to convey purpose, to clarify the why of something.

In the last post I mentioned that I recently made a big career move. That move was based on my so that.

I have had a pretty interesting career path, from correctional officer to CFO, from contracts manager to Vice President – I made a few moves, accepted several promotions, and held executive positions of influence and responsibility. I’ve worked with incredible people, viewed the political sausage-making up close and have had experiences most people are never afforded. It’s been a good run. Yet, the years of working 70+ hours a week in demanding, high-stress positions have, at times, taken a toll on my health and relationships, and stole way too much of my precious time and focus.

Perhaps approaching my 50th year of life also had something to do with it? I felt that it was time and the right opportunity came along. So, I took my own advice, evaluated my personal definition of success (see blog post #22), and moved in another direction. I am now the executive director at an amazing church…and I love it! I’m using my talents and skills to more directly further the kingdom of God. What the world may think I “lost” in terms of pay and fancy titles I “gained” in purpose, satisfaction, and time for family and my other purpose-filled interests – like this blog, book writing and launching a new website (coming soon!). I definitely made a quality trade.

All SO THAT I can fulfill my purpose.

We all need to know our purpose. Our purpose is like a compass that helps us find our way when we’re lost. Losing sight of your purpose can lead to unnecessary hopelessness and despair. We were never meant to live in hopelessness and despair.

Someone I care deeply about recently took his own life. It is a tragic, senseless, and devastating loss. He fell into despair…he lost his so that.

Every life was created intentionally by God on purpose and for a purpose. We all have a so that.

What is the so that in your life? What is that purpose in your life that drives everything else? If you’re not sure, spend some time this week to think about it. You DO have one, and we all need you to see it through!

Enough Work Satisfaction (#33)

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I mentioned in the last post that I left my company after 25 years. I didn’t exactly retire – still a bit too young for that – but I decided to make a major change nonetheless. I downsized my paycheck (substantially) and upgraded my life. And I’ve never been happier!

I was not expecting this move at all – but when the Lord led me to this new opportunity, I lost all fear and embraced the joy and satisfaction of this Enough Life change. I know this seems quite contrary to the traditional American ideological path to happiness – climb the ladder, increase your income, buy toys and other symbols of supposed success. But, as we have explored in other posts, there is a point of diminishing returns where the striving actually leads to emptiness, burnout, and a lack of satisfaction.

True satisfaction does not come from things (toys, income, or prestigious titles). One need only look at the tragic deaths of Kate Spade, Robin Williams, Marilyn Monroe, and Anthony Bourdain (to name just a few) to realize that money, fame, and toys do not create a satisfied life. In the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes, king Solomon wrote, “I had everything a man could desire! …I denied myself no pleasure. I even found great pleasure in hard work, a reward for all my labors. But as I looked at everything I had worked so hard to accomplish, it was all so meaningless – like chasing the wind. There was nothing really worthwhile anywhere.” (Ecclesiastes 2:8b-11 NLT)

I had been on that path for many years, and I had achieved much in the eyes of the world. Yet, I realized over the last few years that the higher paycheck came with an increasingly costly personal price tag. I was paying a high price in some very real ways to maintain the salary. I was working nearly all the time, I was pouring myself into work that seemed eternally futile, and I was too often neglecting friends and family in order to meet the relentless demands of my work. I earned a nice salary but was too distracted and exhausted to enjoy it. Much of the time I was unhappy and unfulfilled in my work life. It turns out that this move was the next logical step in my own Enough Life journey. The new position is a much better alignment for me in many ways:

  • Values alignment – organizational values matching my personal values and beliefs
  • Lifestyle alignment – proximity to home, less commute time, less stress, fewer hours, less expense, less “P” politics
  • Goal alignment – my life’s purpose along with the organization’s purpose

In the Book of Ecclesiastes, king Solomon concluded, “So I decided there is nothing better than to enjoy food and drink and to find satisfaction in work. Then I realized these pleasures are from the hand of God.” (Ecclesiastes 2:24 NLT) We find true vocational satisfaction when the mission of the organization is in alignment with our personal values and world view, and when we can use our skills to fill a critical organizational need. This truly is a blessing from above!

This week:

If your current work is not a good alignment for you, what are some other ways you can create alignment and increase satisfaction in life? Are there organizations with which you do have alignment and to which you could volunteer? Are there professional groups in alignment with your values/world view to which you could participate? Where could you find satisfaction that you are making a difference in the areas most meaningful to you?

Four Rules for Living: Show Up, Pay Attention, Tell the Truth, Don't Be Attached to the Results.

The Circle Of (Work) Life…Moving On (#32)

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I’m making a big transition. After 25 years, with the same “company” I’m moving on. And it’s a lot harder than one might think. When the leader leaves it can be a tricky thing for both the leader and those left behind. Today, we will focus on the leader.

Leaving isn’t easy, even when it is for the right reason and on good terms. I pour a lot into my work and give a lot of discretionary effort because there are always worthy challenges to solve. But, I now must place all of my hard work and organizational accomplishments in the hands of my successor and step away. It is out of my hands now. As I was divesting from all of the projects and responsibilities, I couldn’t help but wonder if it was worth it.

The famous Jewish King, Solomon, similarly reflected upon the value of work by saying:

 “I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish? Yet they will have control over all the fruit of my toil into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. So, my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. For a person may labor with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then they must leave all they own to another who has not toiled for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune.” (Ecclesiastes 2:18-21, NIV).

You may recall this is the same man who asked God for wisdom to lead people well and with integrity. (1 Kings 3:9). Many times I have prayed as Solomon did, asking God to help me lead well and for wisdom to solve the organizational problems I’ve faced. I have prayed for the strength to do what I believed was honest and right, even when I knew it would come with consequences.

As a leader you serve up (boss), across (colleagues and other departments), and you serve down (your direct reports and departments). The goodbyes and kind messages I received from those I serve both warmed my heart and broke it (in a good way!). Of course, the praise and appreciation from my direct supervisor, the president, felt good – really good – but the heartfelt notes from my team and colleagues are really my highest prize. Here are a few of examples of the notes I received from employees:

  • I have the utmost respect for you and all that you’ve done as our CFO. You have always supported me in [my time here] and I will always remember that – Thank You. I love listening to the stories that you bring up at our meetings because they illustrate the vast depth of knowledge that you have as a leader. The trust that you extend to me encourages me to do my best; you lead by example. May the next journey you embark on bring you much joy and happiness.
  • In 21 years this is my first e-mail to a departing executive, but you are such an amazing positive force that I would be remiss not to. I have enjoyed every encounter with you, whether in the mailroom, the hallway, or a conference table. Best of luck to you with everything. You brought so much to the [organization].
  • If your new opportunity doesn’t work out you should teach others how to be good managers, I know I will never again have such a good manager.

Similarly, colleagues sent wonderfully encouraging messages, such as: “You bring a level of competence, professionalism and polish to your work as CFO that was sorely needed, and will be sorely missed! I’m happy for you that you’re making this change, and sad to see you go. Thanks for your help and…work during your tenure as VP. You’ve been a great leader within our organization!”

These types of comments represent, in my opinion, the greatest reward – and evidence – of good leadership: the positive impact made on your team and your organization. I trust these and other message I received means I served them well, albeit imperfectly to be sure. I trust that I am leaving my team and the organization in a better place than they were before I arrived. And I firmly believe that when you positively impact people, your work can never be meaningless.

I have had a piece of pottery art hanging in my office for the better part of two decades, which reads:

Show up.

Pay attention.

Tell the truth.

Don’t be attached to the results.

For 25 years I showed up every day with my best whole self. I paid attention and took what I call proactive ownership over my area of responsibility (more on that in a future post), I led with integrity, told the truth and in the process made improvements. I supported my team and held them accountable for results. And now, I must do the hard work of letting go.

I wish my former team and colleagues well. I thank God for the opportunity to serve them and His purposes. And now I turn my gaze toward the next task to which God has called me. I will continue to pray that God gives me the wisdom to lead His people well, serve with integrity, and do what He has called me to accomplish in this generation. And I will leave the results – the outcome – up to Him.

This Week: Is there some result, some outcome, with which you are struggling? Spend some time thinking about what you really can control and what is honestly beyond your control. Focus on what you can do and do your best work. Then trust that you have done your part and let go of the results.