The Winning Secret (#43)

2 Comments

Want an incredible life hack? Try my Won Thing, Five Minute Focus Rule. I have discovered that if I focus on my Won Thing for five minutes, it makes a big difference over time. Here’s the Won Thing premise: Every military victory is the sum of the individual battles won, and each battle is fought one battle at a time. The same is true for our victories in life.

So, what’s the Five Minute Focus Rule? Generally speaking, anyone can do just about anything for five minutes. Five minutes may seem too short to be productive, but you would be surprised at what you can accomplish in just five minutes. And for bigger projects, five minutes is all it takes to get a good start and make commitment-solidifying progress. Five minutes will build necessary momentum to accomplish an unpleasant or overwhelming task. Stack several five minute increments together over the course of a day or a week and you really will make progress.

Do you have a formidable task list? I understand. I can get paralyzed or even despairing at the weight or complexity of a task…or the sheer volume of items on my to do list. Instead of focusing on the whole list, I pick one item and I commit to five-minutes of focus on that task.

Does the whole house need cleaning, focus on unloading the dishwasher – that Won Thing you can do at the moment to make an impact toward your goal. Do you have a huge report to write, start with a five minute mind dump to just get something on the screen. The thought of committing just five minutes is manageable. That’s all the time it takes to fold a load of laundry, respond to an email, queue up the next project, or make that quick phone call.

Speaking of phone calls, have you ever procrastinated making a phone call because you don’t have time for a long conversation? Set a timer and start the conversation with, “Hi Sally, I only have five minutes, but I wanted to connect with you briefly about…” Then, when the timer is almost up, politely remind Sally that you really need to get going but look forward to connecting again at another time.

Try it. Commit five minutes and just do what you can in that amount of time. Seeing even five short minutes of progress is energizing. You may even find that you have the momentum and energy to keep going for another five minutes. Before you know it, maybe 15 or 20 minutes have passed and you’re seeing even more significant progress.

Then give yourself credit. It’s ok to celebrate even the seemingly mundane functions of life. Adulting is hard. It’s ok to be your own cheerleader. Often after doing something – like making dinner or emptying the dishwasher or even just walking in the door on Friday having made it through another work week – I will announce to my husband and the dogs, “Mommy did it, boys!” 

What’s your Won Thing today? Take five minutes of focus…then go ahead and announce to the world, “I Won!”

Rich Beyond Reason (#41)

4 Comments

Though spring has not yet fully sprung, the recent peeks of sunshine and temperate weather have brought a longing for summer. I fondly remember one particularly beautiful day last year, when the whole family went on a boat cruise on a particularly posh lake for my mom’s birthday. I love the water. There’s just something about the water that soothes the soul.

The sun was warm and the waves were calm as we made our way around the lake. The crew entertained us with historic information about the lake and the inhabitants of the perimeter, and we watched intently along the shoreline to see the homes from this rare vantage point. Some of the homes were modest, obviously having been there for many decades. Some were stately, clearly a result of newer money. The architecture of each home was unique and the lakefront amenities were enviable. It was fun to imagine and dream – if only for a minute.

And then we saw it. The boat’s occupants made a collective gasp as we came upon the sprawling estate, with a significant portion of shoreline on two sides. It was enormous and breath-taking – immaculate white stone, copious windows and a multi-level patio that rivaled the square footage of most other homes on the lake. As the boat slowed, we noticed a second building on the property, a stately albeit smaller 2-story home mirroring the architecture and stonework of the first. The crew explained this was the mother-in-law house.

As we collectively gasped and gawked, we all wondered what would that be like? To have that much money? To live in something so beautiful, so grand. It was altogether another world.

Amid my daydreaming, I became almost sad. I noticed that the manicured lawn had no discernable divots indicating children or animals at play. There were no signs of life, no toys, not even a boat in the dock. Perhaps there were no children or grandchildren to tear up the lawn. Perhaps the residents preferred to stay inside on this perfect weather day, there was certainly plenty of space inside. Perhaps they weren’t home. Perhaps the steady flow of gawkers made them uncomfortable.

Sometimes one assumes that money buys happiness, yet it doesn’t. So, I couldn’t help but wonder if they are happy, if they feel loved. I wonder if they are misunderstood or taken advantage of because of their wealth. I wondered if they have true friends who would be there for them regardless of their wealth. I wondered if they find it hard to trust others and if this lifestyle is marked by unimaginable stress. I wondered if the mansion(s) and manicured lawn are primarily for show – to be accepted by their peers. I wondered if this impressive display came from a foundation of joy and peace in their lives or was somehow compensating for a lack thereof. I wondered how often they are judged, and I thought about how harsh people can be with their words and assumptions. I thought about how important it is to have people with this type of wealth that can be generous and philanthropic, and I hope they are.

In the spirit of the Enough Life, I wondered if there is a point where the money becomes a burden or the wealth becomes unreasonable? I’m sure there is. Most of us know what it is to lack, with the associated stress and challenges. Most of us don’t know what it means to truly have the kind of wealth displayed by that estate, or more. While we think we may like it, and it was fun to dream for a minute, in the end there are burdens of another kind that accompany that level of wealth.

Oh, for sure the poor and rich can be equally unhappy and feel equally unloved, equally used by others. And regardless of one’s position on the spectrum, greed, envy, and jealousy can creep in to steal joy and sour relationships. I thought of Ecclesiastes 5:10b, which says “How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness!” (NLT). The writer of Ecclesiastes has much to say on the topic and ultimately laments that this too is meaningless.

I walked away with an appreciation for the beauty I saw that day and with an understanding that we are all on our own journey. I prayed for them and wished them well in my heart.

While money can buy most things, it cannot buy love, peace, joy and true soul satisfaction. No matter what one has or does not have, we all can be generous. We can all love and forgive. And in these, the most important of things, we can all be rich beyond reason.

Heartache for the Holidays (#38)

Leave a comment

During this time of year, I often think back to one of the first posts I wrote (Enough for “the Holidays”). That post speaks to the dichotomy around so many of us this time of the year – scarcity (time, resources, sanity) and excess (spending, eating, commitments). That post encourages us to think deeply about what really matters and not to waste our time, energy, and resources on activities that don’t really add joy to our lives.

This Christmas season the dichotomy has struck me in another way. Amid the joy and celebrations there are many who also experience much heartache.

In the past few months, I have lost three people who were important to me. One to suicide, one to a tragic accident, and one just this week to unexpected illness. All so young and vibrant, with so much life yet to be lived. Two of them left little ones behind. All three made the world a better place just by being in it.

As I look at the gifts yet to be wrapped, the sting of loss pierces my heart. I would gladly give up all of the holiday trappings to have any one of those lives back with us. It has been a hard week; a hard few months. It seems so surreal to watch the world go on around me while my heartache is so very real.

For some of us, “the holidays” will never be the same again. We join countless others of you who grieve in the shadows this time of year. So, to those who grieve I say, “pace yourself, be kind to yourself, and don’t be afraid to hold unapologetically to your Enough point – the place where you find your least amount of pain and your greatest amount of joy at this time of year, whatever that may be. As one of those I lost this fall would say, friend, “you do you”. Let go of unrealistic and unhealthy expectations. Drop  “woulda, coulda, shoulda” from your vocabulary. Take a deep breath. Cry when you need to and rest when your body or soul says to rest.

And, to everyone else, I ask that you please have grace and compassion for all who have heartache for the holidays.

The Pecking Order (#37)

Leave a comment

In every industry and organization there is a pecking order – an implied hierarchy reminiscent of the caste systems prevalent in some cultures around the world in which people are assigned to a socio-economic class based on their family of origin, with some people in higher classes and some assigned to lower classes. Why do we tolerate this grown-up version of elementary school antics in our organizations?

Why do Some People feel the need to be above Other People, or to create groups or cliques for the purpose of identifying those perceived to be greater vs. lesser? Why can’t we all belong without needing a pecking order of counterfeit superiority? Many places in scripture are clear that all people are made in the image of God and created equal. We read in Malachi 2:10, “Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us? Why then are we faithless to one another…” (ESV2) And likewise, Job says, “Did not He who made me in the womb make my servant, and did not the same One fashion us both in the womb?” (Job 31:15 AMP1).

If we are all created equal, then the attempt to make Other People less and Some People more is an exchange where we attempt to take something away from Other People and give that something to Some People. Let me show you using simple algebra:  

(Other People) – X = (Some People)    OR   (Other People) = (Some People) + X

Why do Some People feel the need to take something (X) from Other People…and what is that something? Is it perceived value, dignity, esteem?

Does it work?

All of us play a role in resisting the idea when it shows up in our spheres of influence. As leaders, we must be careful what we tolerate within our organizational culture. What we tolerate, we promote. (Heads up: you will one day have to answer for how you treated people, and I believe this will be part of that discussion.)

If you are secure enough in who you are, you don’t need to put others down to defend your worth. You know your value – not in a counterfeit, puffed up, arrogant sense but in a way that recognizes you don’t need to put others down to prop yourself up. You are valued for being uniquely you…made by your Creator on purpose for a purpose. Your value is not dependent on the value of others or the value others attempt to ascribe to you.

Another Way

Rather than attempting to make the proverbial haves and have-nots, we could focus instead on the old adage that “A rising tide lifts all boats.” What if instead of trying to take something away from one group (Other People) to give it to another group (Some People) we instead tried to build up All People? What if instead of trying to wrestle with the zero-sum game of earthly algebra we instead looked to God who is limitless and Good Enough (see blog post #25 and 27). He alone is able to add good to both sides of the equation…no winners and losers, no haves and have-nots.

(Other People) + X = (Some People) + X

It’s powerful when we realize we can build another person up without taking anything away from ourselves. All People have value and every individual is important to the success of the whole. When we recognize this, we all will benefit.

Who can you build up this week?

__________________________

1 Amplified Bible (AMP) Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation, La Habra, CA 90631.

2The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV®), 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good    News Publishers.

Soul BREATH (#24)

2 Comments

As I write this post, I’m struggling a bit. Do you ever have a day when you want to crawl back into bed and pull the covers up over your head…and stay there…for 4 days? I guess you could say, I’ve already had enough of this week. My soul is tired. Sometimes life is like that. The to do lists and the weight of daily responsibilities have a way of taking a toll sometimes.

I think this occurs when one gets too much of something – even if that something is good – and too little of something else. Life gets a bit out of balance. If the Enough Life is the sweet spot between too little (scarcity) and too much (excess), I have to wonder what have I had too little of lately and of what have I had too much?

Too MuchToo Little
Unrealistic expectationsUnstructured time
WorkTime with people I love
HypervigilanceWalking with the dog
Constant productionSoaking time with Jesus
HouseworkSleep

I feel a bit out of breath.

That makes me think of the creation story recorded in the Bible. In the second chapter of Genesis we are told that the LORD God breathed into Adam’s nostrils and Adam became a living being. The breath of life. Yes, that’s what I need right now. My soul needs a fresh breath. The kind of breath that is refreshing and life-giving.

I realize that I have let the ever-present to do lists get more than enough attention at the expense of the things that are life-giving for me, things that nourish my heart and soul. Therefore, I will add life-giving activities to the very top of my To Do List this week…well, right after my nap.

What gives your soul breath? What is life-giving for you right now?